Dwelling on the Past
by yanallamma
Summary: After a tragic run-in with a werewolf her life first year, Willa decided to leave Hogwarts. As a result, she has developed an intense hatred for the creatures and vows to ruin the life of any werewolf she met, just as they had done to her. Willa returns for her sixth year only to find out that Remus Lupin is a werewolf and that me may be the one responsible for all her suffering.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hey everyone, I don't own Harry Potter even though I really wish I did! Anything that sounds familiar to the books, I don't own except for my oc characters.

The day was Saturday and everyone in the room was tingling with excitement because the next day was Halloween, and the celebration feast at Hogwarts was always such a treat that even the grown up seventh years jumped up and down for in anticipation. Sitting in the worn and comfy red armchair by the fire was a small first year. In her arms, purring as loud as a motorboat, was a rather large silver and brown tabby with blue eyes. On the floor leaning against the chair sat a young boy with his nose stuck in a large book on transfiguration.

One glance at the two and anyone could see they were related with their matching forest green eyes topped by a set of thick distinct eyebrows. Freckles splashed across their noses and dark, tan skin. Both had thick, curled hair but the girl had a brownish auburn color while the boy's was jet black.

The girl paused and observed her brother, her twin to be exact. She smiled to herself as she remembered all the trouble they had gotten into as toddlers and imagined all the adventures they'd go through during their years at Hogwarts. She began to pull at a flyaway hair on his head, trying to elicit a reaction and cure her boredom. All she could think about was the upcoming feast. And the more she thought about it, the more time seemed to slow down. But as sure as the sky was blue, her brother's eyes stayed glued to the pages about the theory of transfiguration.

With a loud and exaggerated sigh, she slumped back into the chair with crossed arms.

"You're no fun!" She pouted.

"Mhmm, of course," He responded absent mindedly.

"You know what I've realized William?" She asked and without waiting for a response she continued, "I've come to the conclusion that you're the biggest nerd there ever was! Your poor sister is bored out of her mind and you're content with just sitting there reading and letting her suffer!"

"Oh dear Wilhelmina, you're right," He teased, "How could I have ignored you? Driving you to refer to yourself in third person for entertainment! What have I done? Shame on me!" gushed William with mock guilt.

"How many times do I have to tell you!" Wilhelmina said while shaking a fist, "I prefer Willa and you know it!"

"But I'm your twin, that means I'm entitled to certain rights, therefore I can call you Wilhelmina," William concluded with a smirk.

"Oh bugger off!"

"I thought you were bored and sought me out as a cure?"

"Yeah well that was before I remembered how annoying you can be!"

"Ah ah! How annoying, clever, and smart I can be!" He boasted as Willa rolled her eyes.

A loud hollow bang sounded throughout the common room, startling everyone inside. A door slammed open as three boys tumbled down the dormitory staircase, followed by smoke spilling everywhere.

Two of them were hunched over with uncontrolled laughter. One had piercing grey eyes and the other rumpled hair and glasses. The third was a small and thicker boy in the fetal position grasping for air.

The whole Gryffindor exploded into chaos as the smoke filled the room. Willa and William stood frozen with gaping mouths until Willa's cat jumped with bristling fur and scampered out the entrance as two prefects had just entered the war zone.

"Geoffrey!" Willa cried as she followed her beloved pet, "Geoffrey, come back!"

"Wilhelmina, stop!" William pleaded. He knew his sister's sense of direction was hopeless, "You still don't know your way around the castle. You'll get lost…" His cries faded as they passed through the portrait, their disappearance unnoticed due to the disturbance going on currently.

Willa sprinted, ignoring the burning sensation in her lungs as her curls slapped her face like tentacles. Nearly falling and getting caught on the trick step on the stairs she dutifully kept Geoffrey in sight.

William tried in vain to keep his sister in sight, only catching the last glimpse of her wild hair as she already turned the next corner. He burst through the last door only to find himself outside and watched in frustration as Willa ran straight into the Forbidden Forest.

"She's just asking to get herself bloody killed!" He grumbled.

The cold breeze smacked her faces as Willa flew across the castle's grounds. Once inside the perimeter of the forest, a feeling of dread clenched her stomach. She couldn't see Geoffrey anymore.

"Geoffrey!" Willa called. Her pulse quickened as she heard no reply. "Ge-offr-ey!" She attemped again.

A soft meow sounded in the distance and Willa ran to in only to find him sitting on gnarled tree roots calmly grooming his fur. She scooped him up into her arms protectively. Behind her she heard thudding footsteps and saw that William finally reached her. He paused to catch his breath.

"What were you thinking?" He shouted, "Are you mental? The Forbidden Forest! Honestly this is extremely reckless, even for you." He berated.

Her face scrunched up at his criticism, "Well excuse me if I wanted to make sure my cat doesn't get hurt! Goodness why are you so upset anyways? Look around, we're fine! F-I-N-E- fine!" Willa shouted.

William sighed deeply, "That's not the point, you need to be more care-" He froze as he saw a large hunched figure looming behind a nearby tree, "We need to go." He said urgently.

"What?" Willa cocked her head at the sudden change of tone. Following her brother's gaze she tried to look but was pulled by the arm towards the castle.

"Willa run!" William cried.

With a growl the creature leaped forward. Noticing its eyes set on his sister, he tried to shove her to the side out of harms way. Pain seared down her neck and arm as the creatures claws snagged onto her.

William bellowed in pain and agony as he felt teeth sink into his neck and claws tearing the very flesh off his chest. Willa lay in a crumpled heap in shock as a slow steady ringing grew louder, blocking out all other sounds. Sticky liquid ran down her arm and sprinkled the forest floor crimson red. She tried to stand but simply collapsed as her knees buckled.

A gray disfigured hand landed by her head, and she gasped as she turned her face to meet bright yellow eyes.

Yellow eyes so full of hate and ferocity.

Yellow eyes which showed its intentions, its desire to destroy and kill.

Never had Willa seen such emotion as she did on this beasts face. Its face both wolfish and humanoid. Scars littered its body clearly visible from the tangled fur. Emanating from the creature was a saturated smell of the forest and fresh dirt. Hot air brushed over Willa's face with every breath the monster took. Its teeth stained with blood. William's blood, she realized.

Willa felt her gut wrench as it lifted its head to howl in triumph at the full moon. With white light filtering through the trees she saw William not too far away laying in a crumpled heap. She shut her eyes praying for the end to come quickly when she heard a snarl and the cool night breeze brushed over her again. Her eyes flew open to find that the beast had disappeared, and she scrambled to her bleeding brother. His eyes rolled back as he convulsed and sputtered blood with every breath.

"Everything will be fine," Willa whispered as she cradled his head. She brushed his sweat and blood soaked hair back. "Just stay with me. D-don-don't leave me-" her voice cracked as she realized how bad the injuries were.

Fear gripped her heart life an iron fist as her brother's breaths became faint, "Don't you dare William! Listen to my voice, stay…" as she collapsed in a fit of sobs over his body.

I heard a murmur of voices, but my eyes refused to open.

"Will there be side affects?"

"How did this happen?"

"Thought…safe…"

"…he survive?"

At this my eyes shot open. William! Where was he? I abruptly pulled myself up, my vision fading out as my head pounded against my skull, begging to be freed.

"Oh Willa!" My mother Helena cried as I felt her arms pull me into her embrace. "Sweetie! You're awake!"

My vision slowly cleared to find my face suffocated with my mother's flame red hair covering my face. She pulled away, tears like a waterfall flowing down her face.

"Where am I?" I was in a sea green room. My older twin brothers, Warren and Walter, were by my bedside. Wendy, my younger sister, had red eyes as she clung to Warren's arm. My father, Damen, was leaned against a wall his face in his hands.

"There was an accident my little turnip…" My mother's voice shaking, "Hagrid found you bl-bleeding and brought you b-back to the castle," She hiccupped. Fresh tears filling her eyes threatened to spill.

The teeth, the eyes, the creature…I grabbed my face with my hands as I remember that thing. My shoulders began to shake uncontrollably as every detail resurfaced.

I felt hands grab my shoulders and saw Warren trying to hold me still. His eyes gazing into mine with sympathy and care, I slumped into his arms. My sobs echoing in the room.

"It's okay Willa," he soothed patting my hair. Walter and Wendy held my hand.

"Where's William?" I asked. I saw the look on their faces. So grave and morose. "No, nonono…Please say he isn't gone!" I pleaded looking from face to face.

Slowly my father walked to my bed and cupped my face in his hands. I noticed tears glistening in his dark eyes, "He's not gone, at least not yet…"

"What do you mean?"

"He suffered serious injuries, turnip," My mother whispered, "Even if he was to survive, he would live his life as a werewolf."

Serious injuries…No. He has to survive. I can't lose my brother. My twin. My other half. My better half. He always brought out the best in me, always looked after me.

"Where is he," I demanded. When they said nothing I forced myself up, "Fine I'll find him myself." As I neared the door my father grabbed my arm.

"You'll need a wheelchair, you're not healthy enough to walk around yet," He said hoarsely.

Once we were strolling down the halls of Saint Mungo's, I twitched in anticipation to see William. We've never been away from each other for long. My family led me into a room and my heart dropped when I saw him.

I instantly jumped and rushed to his side, gasping as I realized his condition. His face swollen and puffy. Bandages wrapped tightly around his chest and neck as fresh scar peaked from under them. My hand trembled as I brushed his hair back and bit back tears. He groaned as he turned his head and squeaked open his eyes, "Hey Willa…"

I gasped, "You're awake!" My hand grabbed his and squeezed it tight. "H-how do you feel?" I said stupidly. Of course he was feeling horrible. Why was I so impulsive?

William managed a shaky grin, "I've been better," He started to chuckle but violently coughed. I winced at the sound.

"Oh my baby! I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you," My mother whimpered as her green eyes filled with fresh tears. His face pained as she hugged him fiercely but he quickly grinned and hid the discomfort.

"Mom, can I talk to Willa alone please?" He asked. Oh no, he probably hates me! After all it is my fault.

It dawned on me…

It was all my fault. It always is my fault. I never do anything right!

"Of course," She bent down and kissed his forehead and did the same with me before leading the rest of the family outside.

"I'm sorry!" I blurted as soon as the door clicked, "For everything. If it weren't for me you wouldn't be here! I'm horrible! A horrible sister! It's all my fault…" I stuffed my face in my hands.

The bed shifted as William moved to sit up. He brought my hands down and pulled my face to him.

"Don't EVER say that," The tone in his voice serious and hard as stone, "You are my sister, I would do anything for you. Don't ever think that this is your fault."

"bu-" He cut me off.

"If I could redo it, I wouldn't change a thing. I still would have followed you. I still would have pushed you out of the way." He pulled me into a bear hug, "Now promise me you won't burden yourself with it."

"I promise…" I whispered into his shoulder.

"Now the reason I wanted to talk to you is because I know that this is going to affect you the most…" He trailed off uncertain if he should continue. My eyebrows raised in confusion.

"I'm not going to make it Willa," He murmured after the silence. "I just know it. There's nothing anyone can do…"

Everything seemed to muddle together, as if I was underwater. "How can you say that?" I hissed, "You're going to get better and we're going back to Hogwarts, and we're going to have the best adventures, and-"

"Willa don't kid yourself," He squeezed my hand, "I can feel myself fading. The healers have already done what they can."

I looked at him. Tears filling the brim of my eyes. He looked pale and shaky. Beads of sweat gathered at his hairline. He looked…weak.

"I'm telling you this because you need to not let this ruin your life. You need to learn to let go and not dwell on the past. Don't hold on to what's already lost. Do that for me, please?" He looked at me with hope.

Numbly, I nodded. William sighed in relief and laid back down and closed his eyes. No he can't go, not yet!

"Don't worry I'm only sleeping," He peaked at me through half closed eyes. I exhaled in relief.

For two days I sat by his bedside holding his hand. I wanted to be there for him. Everyone tried to coax me back to my room, but I refused. I spoke to no one.

It was the evening when he woke with a gasp, clutching his heart. His body convulsed. I grabbed his hand and stroked his head. His hand shook as he reached his fingers and pushed my hair back. With a faint smile, he slipped away. The grip of his hand slowly faded and went limp. His wonderful eyes closing.

The convulsions stopped.

"No," I shook my head, "William! Please come back!" I screamed and water flooded down my cheeks.

I yelled as I shook his shoulders, begging him to wake up. My family rushed in from the noise. My mother let out a cry as my father stood stone faced. My siblings stood petrified.

Healers came rushing in trying to revive him.

"It's no use…it's no use…he's gone" I whispered hypnotically. Warren gently placed his arms around me and pulled me away from William's body.


	2. Chapter 2

The funeral came and went, and I felt like a dead girl walking. I didn't talk, I rarely ate, and I couldn't cry. It felt as though I had cried myself dry. So many people came, saying they were sorry about all the pain and loss I must be feeling.

They couldn't even possibly imagine.

And it didn't help that everyone kept rubbing it in my face. Every night was filled with nightmares and that memory I was trying so desperately to forget. I feel like my parents liked to think I was getting better, but I was never going to be better. I was just going to have to find a new normal.

For the most part I just locked myself up in my room. Countless times I read his favorite books and looked through all our pictures. It wasn't until my siblings came home for Christmas that I realized how long I had been gone from school, especially when we had unexpected guests on New Year's Eve.

As usual I clambered downstairs to the kitchen for some good ol' fashion orange juice.

"Hello Miss Milanos," I chocked on my juice as a rusted, aging voice echoed throughout the kitchen.

I turned on my heel to find an old wizard with white hair and half moon spectacles and my head of house.

"Professor Dumbledore…Professor McGonagall…" I greeted faintly. The two best wizards I knew where sitting right there, in my kitchen. I looked down.

Bloody hell I'm in my pajamas!

Dumbledore chuckled as I felt the color drain from my cheeks.

"Wa-one moment please," I stuttered before high tailing out of the room.

My parents were traveling down the stairs as I was escaping to my room, "Why didn't you guys tell me we had guests?" I whispered hysterically.

After changing into more respectable clothing, I returned to find the kitchen door closed. I pressed my ear closer to listen to the muttering voices…

"…aren't sure whether she's ready to go back," I heard my father say. "We could hire a tutor for her until she feels comfortable returning to Hogwarts."

"I don't even want her going there!" My mother hissed, "You said it was safe! The best wizarding school around, and look what happened!"

"It is a wonderful school Helena. At least it was when I went..." My father trailed off.

"I don't care Damen!" My mother argued, "Obviously there are types of magic and creatures that can get in. I've never really trusted magic and you know it!"

"Now Mrs. Milanos, let's not be hasty," Professor McGonagall soothed, "Wilhelmina is an exceptional witch and would flourish from receiving a Hogwarts education. And from what I've heard she has been recovering fine."

"Is that what you think," My mother snapped, "She has not had one restful night since the accident! She cries from constant fits of nightmares every night!"-Hmm, guess I was wrong about them thinking I was fine- "And you have the audacity to sit there and offer for her to go back to that school! The scene of the attack! No don't try sushing me Jason!" My raging Irish mother scolded.

I turned to move but the floor creaked under the shift in weight, the kitchen became silent.

"Traitor," I mutter at the inanimate flooring.

The kitchen door opened to reveal my mother. Her face was still stony and red from her rant.

"You know about the nightmares?..." I said quietly. She sighed in defeat and ushered me in to sit at the table. I awkwardly took a seat between my parents.

"So…." I felt my face burn, "Is this about me?"

"Yes dear," Dumbledore smiled, "I was wondering if you ever wanted to continue your education at Hogwarts. I highly encourage you do, however the choice is yours."

"I can't go back," my eyes widened in fear. I saw McGonagall's lips turn down slightly. "At least not yet. I honestly don't know how I'll react. I need to…recuperate."

"Yes, yes, of course," He nodded, "quite understandable. Do you remember much of that night?"

"As if it were yesterday, sir," I admitted. Every night I relived that moment. "It is something I will live the rest of my life with. My life is never going to be the same."

"I understand," he said.

"Do you?" I questioned. Beside me my father grunted warningly at my brazen retort.

"I do," Dumbledore answered solemnly

"Oh really," I laughed bitterly, "Someone you loved died because of a werewolf?"

"Willa…" My father threatened with a glare.

"She has a right to be upset," My mother quietly hissed to my father.

"No it's quite alright," Dumbledore said reassuringly, "I understand her feelings of disbelief that I understand her situation. But my dear, you are not the only person to ever suffer a loved one's tragedy."

I slumped back into my seat with nothing witty to respond with.

"Sir, do you know who that werewolf was?" I asked.

Dumbledore sat silently for a moment, "That is not in my jurisdiction to discuss." He answered quietly.

I stood up violently, causing my chair to fall back with a loud clank. "You knew there was a werewolf!"

"Wilhelmina Milanos!" That was the final straw for my father's patience, "You will sit down and treat your professors with respect and consideration!"

"You knew! And you didn't think to tell the students!" I glared, ignoring my father, "That thing is a threat to the well being of the entire student body! It killed my brother!" My voice cracked.

"Miss Milanos, how would you like it if you were forced down a path you didn't choose, and forced to suffer the consequences and discrimination which stemmed from it?" Dumbledore said raising his eyebrow, daring me to contradict his words.

I crossed my arms, "I'm already following an unwanted path and suffering the consequences," I huffed.

"Ah true, but are you being discriminated?"

With a frown plastered on, I remained silent.

"Keeping this secret allows this said person to live a normal, happy life. The only chance of being accepted." He continued.

"Fine, but if I find out who it is, don't expect me to being kind to it." I growled emphasizing the word "it". He shook his head in dismay with a knowing look in his eye.

"So when do you think you will be ready to return to Hogwarts?" McGonagall quickly changed the subject. I pondered for a moment.

Not soon that's for sure. But I don't want to miss out on the experience of Hogwarts. And studying by myself! That would get boring real fast. And then there are OWLs and NEWTs…

"Sixth year," I decided, "I know I can get through OWLS by myself, but I'm not sure about NEWTS, so I'll return sixth year to study for them."

"It's decided then," Dumbledore clapped his hands. McGonagall smiled approvingly.

My parents started to clear the kitchen when Dumbledore pulled me off to the side, "Miss Milanos, should you discover the identity of the werewolf, do not reveal it to the school. If you feel the need to talk to someone, you come to me. Understand?" He said sternly.

I nodded, "Good, I will being seeing you in five years Miss Milanos." And with a pop he and McGonagall disappeared.

The next five years were a blur. A long and boring blur. I admit freely that I was jealous of the stories my brothers came home with and when my sister eventually started as well, but I don't regret it. Geoffrey was a great comfort whenever I would feel blue. He would always get me to laugh at his little cat antics.

My parents hired Madame Von Furthing, one of the most renowned tutors in the magical world. A cold and harsh witch, I assure you, but I learned so much because of her. Nothing less than perfection was acceptable. She made sure I was to excel in all things magic, even muggle studies.

"A well rounded mind creates a powerful witch," She would tisk if I ever complained.

Although early on I realized my Achilles heel was potions. I was hopeless and nine times out of ten, I blew something up on my first attempt. This was the only subject Madame Von Furthing allowed me to slide by in.

I found a love for charms and defensive arts. My goal was to become an auror. I know it's what everyone wants to be right now, with the rising of you-know-who and whatnot, but I feel as though my purpose is to help stop with darkness. I think it was because I found out I had abilities similar to a seer.

I have these dreams and vision. They aren't frequent, but they happen. I can see event of the past, present, and future. Most of them are the past since they are easier to feel, but the present and future visions are always unclear and happen very rarely. But I have to be careful. I don't have full control over my visions, and when I am not in check emotionally, my mind creeps out to the nearest person and I get a vision about them. Mostly a memory of theirs.

And with having to deal with Will's death, my early years were filled with unwanted memory sneak peaks. The news was difficult for my parents, but apparently my father's great aunt was a seer. So being a seer is in my blood I guess.

Well half of it.

My mother grew up a muggle in Ireland. All her life she had a passion for history and during her time at the university, she fell in love with the classic tales of Greek Mythology.

It's kind of ironic considering my father is full blown Greek. He grew up a pure blood wizard in Greece and attended Hogwarts for his magical education. After, he became a Greek ambassador for the Ministry of Magic.

See that's how they met. My mother was in Greece planning an archeological dig at a site hoping to contain information about early Greek culture and society. What she didn't know is that it was really an ancient magician site, which is why my father was sent to covertly supervise to make sure no muggle discovered a clue to the wizarding world's existence.

Then they met and all is history. My mother became a professor at Oxford University and frequently surveyed many digs in the summer time. My father continued on to become head of the International Magical Cooperation sector of the ministry.

I grew up a well rounded witch, but none of my schooling ever prepared me for my first year back at Hogwarts.


End file.
